Financial Analyst
Phil’s title is modest — financial analyst — but his impact is vast. He’s the behind-the-scenes guy who processes the paychecks, tracks reimbursements, keeps invoices moving, and plugs our every accounting maneuver into our fancy government-approved accounting system. He’s so efficient, so calm and so competent, you might even forget how important he is.
Until you don’t get your timesheet in on time. Phil does not like late timesheets.
That’s when you remember that Phil is a 6-foot 3-inch 250-pound former offensive lineman with the ability to (not just figuratively) twist your arm. Nothing motivates like a terse email from Phil. Those behind quickly catch up. The pieces move into place and all the systems run on time.
We sat down with Phil to better understand what makes someone so obsessed with timesheets tick.
Q: Given your focus on timesheets, I’d like to ask about rapper Flava Flav. I hear he’s quite a fan of clocks, watches, and general timeliness.
A: You want me to tell you about Flava Flav? Really?
Q: Maybe if you could just answer like Mr. Flav. He’s a celebrity and people love reading about celebrities. Maybe you can bust out a rhyme, a rhyme about time. I’ll provide the beat-boxed background!
A: Whatever.
Q: Puh pa chuh, puh puh pa chuh
A: So it’s my time to rhyme?
Q: Puh pa chuh, puh puh pa chuh
A: How about you give me a chime, when you finish on time.
Q: Puh pa chuh, puh puh pa chuh
A: If not, I’ll consider that a crime and I’ll squeeze you like a lime.
Q: You would, wouldn’t you? Well, let me ask you this, what kind of things do you do off the clock?
A: I unwind by using the sun to tell time. Are we still rhyming? Really, I like to spend my time outdoors. (racing, sports, barbequing, etc.)
Q: Racing, sports, and barbequing?! Those all sound riveting and mildly dangerous (especially barbequing) Are you sure you’re a bookkeeper?
A: Well racing involves clicking off fast lap times, sports have rules and regulations, and in barbequing you have to turn the food in on schedule. So, I guess I really am a bookkeeper.
Q: Any creative insults for colleagues who don’t turn in their timesheets?
A: Well, I would never insult my fellow colleagues. I just trick them with misleading email titles reminding them to finish their timesheets.
Q: But you’ve never done anything like that to me, right?
A: Yea sure, whatever you say.
